It's Not OK!

As we continue to "Accept Forgiveness" as part of our 3rd quarter mission, it is helpful to better define the idea of forgiveness. Unfortunately, as parents we probably encourage the wrong idea in our children at a young age. Consider the following:

Two five year old boys are playing with blocks. One child purposefully knocks down the tower the other child has been building for the last 20 minutes. Screams erupt from the builder like lava from volcano. You rush over and make the offender apologize to the victim, "I am sorry," he mumbles. "It's ok," the victim replies. The two boys resume building.

This scenario implies that granting forgiveness means being "OK" with the wrong done to you. I think this is why many people struggle to forgive others. They don't agree that the hurt done to them was OK--and they are right. Forgiveness is not recognizing that things are OK or giving your approval of what has happened; instead, forgiveness is accepting that what happened was wrong but you agree to move on with the understanding the hurt won't happen again. This heals the relationship damaged by the sinful action.

If we need an example of how this works, we should look no further than the confessional. During confession, we are not asking God to accept what we've done as OK; rather, we're acknowledging that our actions were wrong and our willingness to avoid sinning again. Consider again the above scenario, perhaps a better response from the builder should have been, "I accept your apology" or "I forgive you." 

These responses acknowledge the wrong without implying that it was OK. Granted, the difference in meaning by the subtle change in words is probably beyond most 5 year olds. However, it is never too early to teach the idea of real forgiveness and give children the tools to practice it. Although it is just a small step, hopefully it can lead them towards true forgiveness and peace.